love and importance of writing and organizing and being busy

I love writing. I really love it. Describing and organizing events and my thoughts are self expression and output. We get the most healthy and side-effect-free contentment when we make effort expressing ourselves.

I listened to Owl city's "Fireflies" and I really liked it and the melody is repeating over and over all the time when I am writing this. The sound in my head is dreamily sweet and imagination-inspiring.

One more thing to succeed in social scenes is to keep busy and organizing stuff. Do not let my brain space be the sole space of data saved, but make a bit more effort to write and list up and organize past events and thoughts and also write down my plan in future so that I can rightly prepare for them. Socializing help me to keep busy like other people and that's good thing because busy girls like busy boys. And they believe as a modern socioeconomic notion that busy, or business, is a good thing and lazy and unbusy are no good. Often the idea lacks the supporting reasons and evidence, but if girls believe so it is easier to make myself busy than convincing her busy is not necessarily a good thing.

my love story and contemplate it

Hiro loves Miu. I am in love with Miu. I feel happy to get across her and now apart from her between Phuket and Krabi, I miss her and she misses me-I guess. Today I took an action. I bought a English-Thai dictionary and I translated my love letter initially I wrote in English to Thai. And then I took the letter to Aoy's store and asked Nok and Tukuta to make it natural in Thai and I called Miu and let Nok to read my letter of my love and discipline. Lines goes:

I like you so much, but you don't care about me much and always play around with other guys. I am not an easy man. If you want me to come back to you, you must make me the only man. Then I will learn Thai language for you and stay with you. Hiro misses Miu. Hiro loves Miu.

Perhaps it is the first love letter I have ever made in my life. It's worth recording and remembering. Searching my memory, that reminds me of the time in my high school when I wrote a short letter to my classmate girl and put it in her shoe box, asking her to come to a place after school. I waited there and she did not come. I was timid in my high school and I did not get any fortune to have a girlfriend. And that's pretty much all about my romance in high school. I liked a classmate girl but i could never really talk to her and she did not talk to me. Bitter memory. I was a hardworking good student throughout the latter middle school and the whole high school but social scene was miserable and fruitless. I did not get a single friend and occasionally I found some wired guys and tried make them friends but they were never loyal nor good friends and did not work out long.

Going back to Krabi today, Nok was talking to Miu long and did and I was sitting nervously before her listening Thai's mysterious language. Finally, they finished the conversation, and turned up to me and telling me unorganized results in poor English. They said she wants me to go back to Phuket and stay with her but not all the time. She has a job training at night-seems some sort of night work guessing from her attire and strong but tempting perfume when she went out every night, bars? discos? I hope not a prostitute or equivalent. Her response was vague and inconsistent but she called me back afterword and added some more message, I think that is a good sign of her strong interest and attraction to me. I said to myselt not to rush into the conclusion from tonight talk, but as one says love takes time, it will take time for her to recognize my effort to write a letter in Thai and she will think of me with importance.

I found myself in a turbulence of affairs and the center of attention. I found myself talkative, describing every detail I remember of Miu and I and our conversations. I am damn social now WOW. I can correctly make it attributed to the preparation I did before I come to meet my friends. I was hangover in the morning and repeated between sleeping and waking up drinking water. 2pm I felt ok and after breakfast, stayed in my room, contributing good amount of time writing last night's event and following thoughts which length reached 9 pages of notebook with handwriting. And then, I read aloud English articles tuning my voice and pronunciation. I even prepared my smile in front of the mirror. When I entered Aoy's shop and started socializing it was smooth to smile and talk in clear and organized English. Predicting events and preparing for them is the key to success for sure as an aspie. I really enjoy love affair although unclear how it will turn out, but I really enjoy social interactions involving with this serious important event. And I believe in the middle of the most social time of my life ever, that my happiness is strongly related to the social portion, mostly love with my partner. So althogh I am currently not so socially capable nor competent as an aspie, I should not give up nor ignore people and society because that's where the most excitement and happiness (as well as most disappointment and unhappiness) come from. If I make a life-time partner, she and subsidiary "family" could be the most valuable thing in my life. I should get my love at any cost with continuous effort and try even harder to maintain our relationship. I can be a good boyfriend and husband if I try a little harder than other NT's and I have all the energy and time needed to accomplish it.

Analysis and positive perspective of my vocal/pronunciation problem

Because the inarticulateness of my pronunciation and too-softness or too-loudness of my voice are attributed to some dysfunction of my aspie brain and the lack of the past social experience stemming from the unsociableness of my aspie trait, not to the deformity of my mouth or throat or other physical vocal organs, if I train properly and prepare regularly , I am able to speak a language as clearly and correctly as other speakers do.

良い文章を書く

洗練された良い文章を書くには、一度意識に入ってきたものを、忘却によって意識から無意識にろ過させて、その後、再び意識に浮かび上がってきた結晶を書く。そのプロセスによって無駄なものがそぎ落とされ、純粋で普遍的な言葉だけが残る。後はそれをイングリーディエントとして他のものと組み合わせて自由に料理すればよい。

人付き合い

僕はまったく人付き合いが苦手である。あるポーズを決めてそれを押し通すことができない。そのポーズに異物感を感じてそのうち嫌気がさしてくる。僕が相手とコミュニケーションしようとするとそのつど、正気でいられる狭い道を探さなくてはならない。相手がマチュアでオープンマインドであって受け口が広く開かれている場合は良いが、相手も同じように狭い受け口しかもっていない場合には絶望的である。同じ高さに受け口がある場合などほとんどなく、だいたい僕が無理をしてかがみこんだり、背伸びしたりしなければならないから、くたびれ果ててやめてしまう。